So Doug Ford and his Ontario Conservatives are bringing us buck-a-beer. To that I say how about buck-a-liter of milk? Or buck-a-dozen oranges. Or maybe even buck-a-box of condom, which buck-a-beer drinkers are going to need after drinking all that beer at a buck a bottle, especially if they are graduates of the Conservative new sex-education curriculum, which predates the Internet, and intimate acts of love making itself.
I believe the sex-education curriculum that the Conservatives are introducing involves giving clubs to guys and saying ‘start swinging and go at it.’ It involves what Adam and Eve studied–wear your fig leaves and keep them tied on tight to protect your naughty bits. Oh, and don’t take apples from snakes. You never know what they might really be trying to sell you…
Of course it’s ironic that Ontario’s craft brewers (they are the companies that do more than pass a bit of grain and yeast over a bucket of water and call it beer) are saying they won’t be selling buck-a-beer. In other words they won’t be lowering their beer making standards and the quality of their beer just to sell it at a buck a bottle to, let’s face it, people (as in yahoos) who voted Conservative in the last Ontario election and like to get drunk on cheap beer. And if it sounds like buck-a-beer doesn’t appeal to folks who like to drink beer with taste, the so-called ‘elite’ as it were, then so be it. They know there is more important work to be done in this province than lowering the price of beer, while the Conservatives know they are more likely to get re-elected if people are too drunk to give a shit about any of those things, which buck-a-beer will allow them to do for the next four years, until the next election.
My only hope is that they will be too drunk to remember the date of the election or, if they somehow manage to remember it, they will be too drunk on buck-a-beer to find their polling stations.